To Kill Him
by Diburu-chan
Summary: A girl is assigned to kill Duo, but her emotions fall from her. Is she losing her mind? Why cant she kill him? [Its all over..The End..finis..COMPLETE TT ]
1. Entry One

~To Kill Him~  
  
[(entry one)] [10:58p.m. -Sunday, February 9th]  
  
I just got this notebook. I thought it was pretty when I saw it in the store. So I was like 'hey, I'll make it my journal!'.I'm proud of myself actually. I havent kept a notebook in years. I used to all the time when I was a little girl. But I havent been home in a while. I guess I should. Maybe this ChristmasI don't want to go back just yet.  
  
I was an assigned assasin. It was my life. No one knew I existed. I was innocent. Never once was I caught. Me, Berit Payton, a killer. None of my friends would believe it. Well the people who know me best. My family all think I just take part in the war, when im just a hired assasin. It's scarey. I keep count. In the fire I started at some base, I had killed 27 people. I had personally taken the life of various major officials not to mention soldiers that got in the way. I know all ther names, well I have them written down somewhere, along with a picture...I cant believe myself. The funny thing, I havent even met my employer. A total of 894 people, and I don't know who he is. All I know is that he likes my work and gives me a different name every week. I get messages, on the computer, or the mail. He lets me know when he's proud of me. I cant believe I killed all those people, yet, my next victim is a gundam pilot. I hate those machines. My uncle repairs them..he showed me the strings when I was bout three. Worst part he knows this kid. He helped all the pilots at one point I should imagine. Duo Maxwell, sorry kid, you'll be dead by Friday.  
  
[(closure)]  
  
.................  
  
I don't own GW. 


	2. Entry Two

disclaimer:  
I don't own Gundam Wing.. .. To Kill Him ::::::::::::::::::::  
  
[(entry two)] [11:54p.m. -Tuesday, February 11th]  
  
And so... yesterday at about 4 in the morning I left for the base that Duo Maxwell was last reported at. He was at some colont...an original one I believe...L3 actually. Yes, I made it there late..about 2a.m. I went strait to the base. There was only a chance the guy was still there. I was wasn't really expecting him to still be there, I mean, stats said he had arived at the Jerico Base point 3.7 on Wed, the 5th.. You would think of course that a gundam pilot wouldn't stay in one place too long, too many people want their lives. The war is still going on. They say it should be over soon though...i don't know if I believe it. The war had been long expected by many. When the war was announced, it made me sick to think of the people I saw actually cheering.how could anyone cheer?!? How can someone actually want a war that plays with so many peoples lives. Do you know how many people are already dead? The war has yet to end..and it has already claimed the souls of millions of lost people. I don't get it. I cant say im a big help in my role...i'm safe though..that's what the guy told me..That's all that matters.. right? The fact that I'm safe? No one knows who I am..im not even a person according to the personal data. The guy..i talked to him when I arrived on port..I guess you could say I was reporting my present status. We got into an argument..it wasn't like me..most people have told me im an optimistic person..they have just been nice I dunno.. But I asked him his name. You know, the guy who always hires me to kill random names while he pays me an ass load. Well, after I gave him a report of my plans for this maxwell kid, I asked him his name. His name had never occurred once in my mind.. I don't know why it didn't either..the first call, I remember the first call I got from him. I had only just turned thirteen. Rumors of war were whispered amoungst the government..no word to the common folk. No one was to know.the president of our country didn't even know. The government kept many things from our nation. It really got on my nerves. But I knew of course. I was the kid who snuck around where they shouldn't..i got in soo much trouble once..the government actually caught me. I was almost killed because of what I knew. But that's beside the point... It was the very day of my thirteenth birthday actually. I went out along the backroads of the city..not far from where I lived. I saw this guy behind some bar who was talking on his cell phone. He was an older guy. His name was France..Christopher France. Then he was 32 years old. Wasn't married, no kids. He was some high ranking official of some sort. He had a clean shaved face, dark coat over his uniform. He was shouting at whoever was on the other line of the cellular device. They talked something about shooting the general, I dunno who. The person on the other line obviously was having doubts about their 'mutiny' you could say. They talked about killing that guy..  
  
"Are you some coward!!!"  
  
I couldn't here the other person, I was hid amoungst the shadows near a caged off blocking.  
  
"We're gunna kill this guy because he is interfering with our plan to destroy the colonies!!!"  
  
I got made when I heard that. My dad was starting Colonal on the seventh colony. He died at the hands of a guy just like that. My dad told me everything when I went up there to see him. He wasn't supposed to tell me how he discovers things like how he was informed that one of his men wanted to gain control of the military forces, by killing the current embassador. But my dad and I had a connection, he told me more than he told mom. I questioned him about that once. He said it was because I knew too many things already about the government already I shouldn't know.. He died by the same man. This man who surprizingly was standing before my eyes..i could feel sweat dripping from my forhead. My bangs hung low.I still remember it. I remember perfectly. I can still feel the cold of the handel as a gripped the dagar. He went silent hearing my movement. he snapped his phone off, just before I killed him. He was dead. I stabbed my small knife in his back. His phone dropped to the ground. The pavement shimmered in the wet gloss that covers it habitually at night. It was easy. He lay on his stomach. A pool of blood began to swallow the pavement below him. My first murder.  
  
I paused for a while. Then the phone rang. I fell to my knees next to it. I could feel my nerves shacking. A reached for the phone. A message flashed across the screen. Funny, I wasn't scared at all. I read the digital words of text that flashed against the blue screen of the simple cell phone.  
  
GOOD JOB BERIT! COULD'NT HAVE KILLED HIM BETTER MYSELF...I'LL GIVE YOU A  
CALL...EXPECT IT!  
  
He called me. Several times later. My mother still doesn't know I have killed anyone. She would die if she ever found out. No one knows. Well, anyone that did, didn't live to see me long. But anyway, his name id Erin..that's all he responded. No last names. Just Erin.  
  
DUO MAXWELL Pilot of gundam 02-DEATHSYTHE 15 Years  
  
Sex: Male  
  
Ethnicity: American  
  
Origin: L2 Colony  
  
Family: Unknown  
  
Height: 156cm  
  
Weight: 43kg  
  
This was my guy. I saw him and of course followed. I watched him all day... he's funny.. compared to the other gundam pilot he was with..this interested me and of course..I researched! Im such a freak..hehe..well he spent his whole day with Quatre Reberbara Winner. Quite unprofessional I might say. Oh well.. I still have to kill him. I might get it over with and do it tonight. Im staying right next to the place where they are currently. Duo said he was to leave for Earth tomorrow. So shall !.  
  
[(Close)]  
  
......  
  
tbc 


	3. entry three

disclaimer:  
I don't own Gundam Wing.. .. To Kill Him ::::::::::::::::::::  
  
[(entry three)] [1:21p.m. -Wednesday, February 12th]  
  
Im on my way back to Earth. Last night I carefully ran across a couple acres or so of barren land over to the base. I made it inside alright. The guards didn't even notice me. The Pilots were in their hangar. There were 4 of them. Only two of them stood in front of the massive machines. Four deathly beautiful machines, blood stained on its iron. I coundnt stand it. I knew they fought for the good of the colonys, but there had to be a better way. I learned alonge time ago there was no other way to solve your problems. You have to fight. Yet, these pilots treeted their crafts as though they were a being. Beings that enabled them to fight for the freedom of the colonies. It made me sick. I hate how far our technology mankind has made. I never act on it though. I have to get over it. It's not my place to act upon the wrongs of others, let alone mankind. We are ALL guilty in our own ways.  
  
Heero Yuy, the legendary Heero yuy, stood before gundam Wing Zero. Quatre stood before his own. Heero was about to make his flight. But they both looked up in admiration of the beautiful gloss and shine of the newly repaired gundams before them. They both stood in awe. Neither knew I was there. It made me sick.  
  
"Sandrock quides me in all my battles."  
  
"hn"  
  
Heero never looked at Quatre beside him.  
  
"I don't understand how you can handle the system, a system like zero could drive anyone crazy"  
  
"Yes, but someone has to battle, why not someone crazy?"  
  
"Ha..good point"  
  
"Hn! I must get going"  
  
"uh, bye, keep safe"  
  
He jumped into his cockpit and his gundam took off into space. Its so bazaar. They get in these machines, and just take off into space. I envied his courage. I also pitied him. How can he deal with himself. Me personally I have slight closterphobia. I don't think I could handle dicing machines in a tiny confined space in a huge hunk of metal, killing people. Ugg.I don't trust machines.  
  
I went around and saw that the three remaining pilots were in some sort of room where they all sat around a round table drinking coffee. Coffee sounded good, let me tell ya. Duo, he had an extremely long braid..i forgot to mention that. It got on my nerves when I followed him yesterday, but its grown on me. But the pilots, Duo, Quatre, and the last was Trowa Barton. I layed above them..in a vent (yeppers..i told ya about my closterphobia..umm yeah) I listened to them. The conversation was very uninteresting but anyway.. it soon ended. and they went to bed...PERFECT!!! right?? wrong! leave it to me, Berit Payton to screw things up!!! Yeah, an hour or two after I was POSITIVE they were asleep, I walked around to the sleeping quarters. I peeked my head through, one by one..till I found Maxwell's room. He was sleeping. I took my gun out..cocked it slowly. The cold metal slipped between my sweaty. I remember it was soooo hot in the place. An I just came out of a vent!! T~T  
  
I walked to the foot of the small bed. He was snoring. I remember giggling slightly. I turned and held the gun with my right hand, closed one eye and aimed carelessly. I remember my mind went numb at that point. I started to get .. nervous?.. that was new for me. I never get nervous on an assignment anymore. My arm dropped to my side. I couldn't do it. I felt my hand drop the gun to the floor. I fainted I guess? 


	4. entry three part two

disclaimer:  
I don't own Gundam Wing..  
  
.. To Kill Him ::::::::::::::::::::  
  
[(entry three)] [continued.of course] [1:21p.m. -Wednesday, February 12th] (a/n:The date and stuff is when she wrote it..ciao)  
  
I woke up in a bed. Dark sheets, they werent very broken in either..felt like they were just bought, still scratchy and hard.. My first reaction was to jump up and scan my surroundings. The same off-white walls..greyish floors..simple room..i was still at the base. I reached for the gun that always stay by my belt. It wasn't there. Nor my knife and cell-phone.. I remembered what happened before, I went knumb and dropped my gun before all going blank. I looked at the floor to see if by some slim chance it was still there..but, of course, it wasn't..go figure. I looked around once more, I started to panic actually. I was unarmed, and in a place where I was about to kill this guy. I searched for a window that wasn't there. Then I listened. It was too quiet for my liking. I cracked the door. No noise was made. I felt like I was in a hospital, everything steryl..the smell of the air was just nausiating. I glaced side to side looking for sign of life. All was go. I darted to the left. I ran for the way I had secretly made my entrance. Wrong turn. I ran right into my victim.  
  
Duo Maxwell.  
  
"You!"  
  
I pethetically blurted. He only grasped my shoulders with his hands..he had no intention of letting go. I struggled painstakingly to get free of his hold. I gave up.  
  
"Hey now..where do ya think you're going?!?!"  
  
I slumped to the floor tiresomely when he released his grip.  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
"Huh? Whatta you mean you don't know?"  
  
I did my pethetic act..I am a brilliant liar. I looked soo confused, which I must admit was partially, but I still got the guys sympathy.  
  
"I mean I don't know! Where am I, what happened anyway?"  
  
He looked surprised..Ha! I am SUCH a good liar!! Too bad the guy would never know.  
  
"Huh? ..You mean..you don't know?"  
  
"Know what! Where the hell am I!?!?!"  
  
He brought me back into the room I slept in earlier. He ordered me to lay down. I obeyed in false confusion. He explained to me that he had woke up an hour prior to me wakening. I was unconscience on the floor by the foot of his bed. Not only that, I had a gun, knives..plenty of weaponry. I had easily explained to him that the last thing I remembered was walking home from work on a Friday afternoon back on Earth. He believed the whole thing. He believes I was ubducted by some sick mastermind who but me there on the base. He offered to escort me back home . The truth wouldn't be hard to cover, because everyone back home, or in st.charles anyway, knows nothing of my crimes commited. It would be easy. I had devised the perfect plan to finish my job.. he'll be in love with me in less than three days, I can see it now. It will be too perfect. He is sitting right next to me as I write. Sleeping of course. I wouldn't be writing things like this before his eyes..that would just be idiotic. He even rests his head on my shoulder. He is sweet, it's a shame. I met all his friends..the other pilots that is. They are all going to earth to protect the cinq kingdom..As far as they know I'm a trusted ally. After all I am Howards neice. They don't know that yet..  
  
I don't really care. I don't want to kill this guy. But if I don't kill him, I don't get paid, don't get paid, cant pay bills..you know the proccess. But I'm on my way back to where I have lived for a year now. St. Charles. I worked as a waitress there. It was so much fun. It was like living in a movie. I served in the café where everyone in town comes in at least once a week to give the weekly gossip. I have some close friends there. That's one reason why I went there after running away from home. Well I didn't really..run away. My mom knew I was leaving. I still talk to her at least once a week. We write letters to each other. I have nine brothers and sisters at home...no wonder I left. I couldn't handle it. Actually Sara, my second oldest sister, lives with me at St. Charles. My siblings..I love them. John, Dillan, Zoe, Sara, Shelly, Josh, Michael, Jeremi, and Liam. 30, 28, 23, 21,18, 13, 10, 6, and 4. Geez.that is a lot now that I look at it. If I were to be wedged in that order I would go right between Shelly and Josh. I am 15..i was 11 when my dad died. My mom was still pregnant with Liam. Its crazy. You could see why I wouldn't want to have kids. But I will one day.. I left home when I had just turned 13. Right after I got my revenge on the bastard that took dad away. I've been on my own for two years, almost three. If you wanna get down to it, I've been on my own since dad died. My grades dropped..blahblah..mom sent me to some phychiatrists..they said I was in a 'depressional phase' since my dad was murdered. What do they know? They once tried to say I was insane..they tried counsiling..all that crap. Nothing worked. My mom sent me to uncle Howard. Ha, he's just as much a nut as I am. Then the war actually started.  
  
That's enough to drive the phychiatrists insane. War. I hate the term. Just like I hate the word 'soup'. War. It scared me. It scares me. It's crazy. I don't think people were ment in space. Sure, its cool. My first dream was to be the first on a colony. Yeah, now I have my doubts. Everything is artificial. Like the banana artificial flavouring, but it doesn't tast like the actual fruit. He like it better, but its not the same. I don't know. Nothing makes sence right now.  
  
I have yet to figure out 'why????' I fainted back on the base. Its been bothering me. Why didn't I just shoot the kid? Why did I go numb? I think I am going crazy now..  
  
[(closure)]  
  
...........  
  
Sorry for the randomness of her self thoughts.I read over my previous chapters and I confused myself @_@ 


	5. entry four

disclaimer:  
I don't own Gundam Wing..  
  
.. To Kill Him ::::::::::::::::::::  
  
[(entry four)]  
  
[9p.m. -Thursday, February 13th]  
  
Duo. He's an odd character. But who isnt? He's such a sweetheart.. He was such a gentleman to me. I feel like such a horrible person. He walked me to my door after I showed him the town. First we went to dinner at like.. 5.. you could even call it lunch..i dunno. We went to where I work actually.. Café Bernarde's. A small little café. We ate sandwiched and coffee. We ate on the house. When I walked in the group of waitresses and hostesses..5 of them actually, they all came and hugged me, interigating on my every detail of absence. Then they saw Duo walk behind me silently. Then all the girls squeeled making both of us sit immediatley.. JoAnne, was the first to take our orders. I could feel all the eyes resting upon us. It was aggrevating. He just laughed. He commented and joked with all the girls. He actually showed himself off a bit.  
  
My picture perfect sister walked in, upon hearing the news.. news does travel fast. Sara Payton. The most beautiful, and coolest of all of my sisters. I look up to her the most. I am also jealous of her too. She is a hair dresser in this small town. She makes tons of money, and could be a model. She did have a slight snotty attitude. But I don't care. I envy her though.  
  
She walked through the swinging doors past the foyer. She stopped and smiled. She looked at me and Duo. She made herself comfortable when joining us. She tightly wrapped her arms around my neck.  
  
"Berit!!! Where on earth have you been!?! I was so worried."  
  
Mind you I was rather annoyed with her fake attitude. Also keep in mind, I could hardy breathe.  
  
"Yeah..i was on some colony.." *cough..cough*  
  
"so who is this?"  
  
She motioned to Duo who was sitting across from us. He was smiling with a blush. He obviously found my sister attractive. I found it disgusting that she didn't even care that I was on some colony billions of miles away from where I had been.  
  
"This is Duo Maxwell. He brought me back from that colony.."  
  
"L4"  
  
He finished for me. I felt my cheeks grow hot. I honestly have him fooled.  
  
"So what were you doing up there with a fine guy like this Berit?"  
  
"I don't know.. I don't remember really"  
  
I felt reeeally awkward. First my sis. Then tryin to keep the lie.  
  
"So..you were in the colonies? You didn't happen to see uncle Howie did ya?!?"  
  
"No.."  
  
"We havent seen uncle Howie since mom was in the hospital with Liam.. That was how many years ago Berit?"  
  
"ten"  
  
She was making me sick..she was all over Duo. I couldn't believe her. She was really pissing me off.  
  
"Uncle Howie?"  
  
Duo asked us who our uncle was..he said he knew a howard..i already knew that though^^ . "Howard is our rocket scientist uncle.he's like..super smart..he builds stuff..how cool huh?"  
  
She was such a preppy bitch. I cant stand her! I propose my moving far, far away. Anyway, Duo said that he knew a howard who used to be in the sweeper with him, and that he worked on engineering their gundams. It actually took a lot for the kid to tell us he was a gundam pilot. As if I didn't know. I acted thrilled..and shocked I guess, just to make it seem normal I suppose. I don't know, seeing my sister gave me a terrible head- ache. We left the café, me and Duo. I tried to leave as soon as I possibly could. He offered to take me to a movie..and I agreed of course. The movie was extremely boring, so we threw popcorn at peoples heads before ducking down the isles. I havent done that in years! Then of coarse we were asked to leave.  
  
When we walked into the lobby, the big rad carpet reflected on the glass of the wide doors. We picked popcorn out of each others hair. His hair was really pretty. Long chestnut strands all pulled back into a braid. I havent ever seen a guy with hair that long. It really fits him though. I cant say I don't like the braid, but I want to know what he's look like with short hair. But I don't think I'll ever know.  
  
We walked out of the theatre and dodged rain drops that had started when we were inside. We rushed to his suv. Laughing when we were safe from the wet rain pouring on the roof of the vehicle. I had worn his jacket while running through the rain. Funny, I'm still wearing it.  
  
[(closure)] 


	6. entry five

to kill him  
  
..........  
  
disclaimer: I don't own GW  
  
............  
  
[(entry 5)]  
  
[2:54 a.m. -Friday, February 14th]  
  
I can't sleep. I woke up at like, 1, which isnt that bad, but you see, unlike some people, I need my sleep. Duo had left earlier. He explained that he had to go back to space and fight. I wanted to go with him.. But before he left. He kissed me, and promised to come back and take me with him next time. I cant believe he kissed me. It was a real kiss, too. Damn, my plan is working isnt it.. I have done this kind of work with other people. (Get on their good side, kill em') But why is this time different? I don't think I will be able to do it. I have only known this guy for a two days, or was it three..it doesn't matter. I have to kill him. He is going to die. Damn it! He was supposed to be dead by now! Is this something to cry over?!? I don't even know this guy! I don't know..  
  
You see, I woke up after a dream. It seemed so familiar. I was in a street. It was dark. My dad was standing there. Next to him was a boy. He seemed to be about..12..he had dark blue, almost violet hair. Strands of his hair hung low in his face and eyes. My dad was talking to him. The boy was wearing a uniform, like my dads, but smaller, and without the decorations of military medals and such.  
  
"Now Erin, remember to keep on your feet. Don't let yourself off guard. Don't let others push you around either."  
  
My dad showed the boy his gun and handed to him, letting him get the feel of the of it in his hands. He had taken the barel out, showing him how it was put together and such. I stood there watching them. It was eerie, this was all familiar. The boy only nodded when my dad spoke. Then the boy asked a simple question of my father. That's when it clicked. That the dream actually happened. It had happened five months prior to my fathers death.  
  
I stood there waiting for them to notice me. I stood proudly eleven that day. November 28th. The boy looked down at my father that was on one knee, showing off his new gun. The boy looked up at me for the first time through his thick bangs. His eyes were a deep violet, neerly the same color as his hair. He was a fine kid. My dad noticed me too. He imediatley stood up, putting away his gun. He knew I hated the weapon. But found it all facinating at the same time.  
  
"Berit my angel! I was wondering when you would get here"  
  
We still stood on the street in frontof a small shop my father promised to take me on my birthday when he would come home.  
  
"Berit, this is Erin Briant, he's been assigned to help me out, while I watch out for him. You don't mind if he spends the day with us do you?"  
  
I was confused, and jealous at the same time. Why did some kid get to work with my dad all the time, and I couldn't? I got lucky if I saw my dad twice a month. I felt my cheeks grow warm. Tears in my eyes, but they never fell. I didn't really mind. It was just all shocking at the time.  
  
"Sure Daddy! I don't care"  
  
I hugged my dad. He scooped me up and brought me into the fine store we went into every year as customed. The boy followed quietly. The store was filled with glass figures and china. Dolls of porcelin..my dream. Every year he promised to spend the day with me. We would go into the store and he would buy one thing, only one thing(it was pretty expensive). But he would buy me any one thing I wanted..it didn't matter how expencive. We did this every year. He didn't do this with any of my other sisters, just me. I had a special relationship with my father.  
  
I had picked out a porcelin figure of a jewelery box. It had a small glass elephant on the top. It was beautiful. After that my dad took us to a fair. Me and Erin sat at the grounds while my father went and brought us back candy, popcorn, cotton candy.. Erin and I talked while waiting for my father.  
  
"So do you and your father do this every year for your birthday?"  
  
"Yep"  
  
"Well, Happy birthday berit"  
  
That's when I woke up. I had relived the whole day, but when he said that I almost screamed when rising. It scared me.. Then I got the phone call. Ever since my thirteenth birthday he had called me. After reading the message on France's phone after I killed the guy I had ran home. That's when he called me, as promised.  
  
"Well, happy birthday berit"  
  
It was the same guy. Erin..Erin Briant. My dad treeted the kid as if he were his own son. No wonder Erin was glad I killed France. I guess I should've figured out who my 'employer' was when I got a package in the mail with a crystal figure of a rose the next day. The deliverer said it arived later, delayed from thanksgiving. It came with a note. It read:  
  
Happy birthday Berit. The tradition can still live on right?  
-nice job on Chris France..im proud he's finally gone  
  
It creaped me out. But I got a package every year from the same store from this guy. I never questioned the kid.  
  
But he called me tonight. Erin did, he still had the same voice as back then. Ususally he called me every night. We talked for hours sometimes. He knew practically everything. I had come to know a lot about him. He already mysteriously knew so much about me. He hadnt called for two days. But he called now. He called my cell, I didn't say anything when I answered. I was still in tears. My head is filled with so much..i cant take it.  
  
"Berit?"  
  
I was still silent..i didn't know what to say, just moments ago I figured out who he was  
  
"Berit? Are you alright? I called to tell you your taking to long with subject Maxwell"  
  
To long?!?! So what!!! I'm the one killing the guy! And he's in love with me after two days and you want me to kill him NOW!!!! Give me some time.. ERIN BRIANT!!! I still cant believe who he is! I should have figured though. How come he never told me?  
  
"How come you never told me?"  
  
My voice couldn't get much louder than a whisper. My voice was gailing me. It started to crack..i was crying now  
  
"Told you what? Are you ok?"  
  
No I'm not..I'm crying and I don't know why..I cant take this..  
  
"Erin Briant..I remember you now.."  
  
I was still crying. I had spent so many hours talking to this guy not knowing who he was. He had told me so much of his life too. His parents died when he was 7, both killed, murdered. He went to live with his uncle, then he died, then he came to work under my father..he never told me that part though. He sighed over the phone.  
  
"..I see.."  
  
"I never even wondered about who you were untill recently, I never thought about it"  
  
"Berit, listen. Who I am didn't matter.."  
  
"It didn't, did it?"  
  
It honestly didn't. I never considered or cared who he was. But now that I know..it still doesn't matter.  
  
"It doesn't matter now"  
  
"No it doesn't"  
  
"But.why?"  
  
"Why what? Why question it?"  
  
"I don't know"  
  
"Neither do I"  
  
It was silent for a while..he's gonna ask me why it's talking so long for me to kill duo..  
  
"Why isnt Maxwell dead yet?"  
  
I knew it.  
  
"He's gone..he went back to space..he's gonna come back though"  
  
He kissed me.  
  
"You're doing the love thing right"  
  
He does love me.  
  
"Yeah"  
  
I love him.  
  
"You love him don't you?"  
  
I gonna kill him though.  
  
"No"  
  
He will die.  
  
"Good"  
  
Silence..he hung up the phone..tears silently fall from my eyes. Why? WHY!?!  
  
[(Closure)] 


	7. entry six

to kill him  
  
..........  
  
disclaimer: I don't own GW  
  
............  
  
[(entry 6)]  
  
[5 a.m. -Sunday, February 16th]  
  
He came back yesterday. Duo came back and took me with him into space. He showed me his gundam in the hangar of a silent base. My uncle was there. I almost burst into tears. I didn't want to talk to Howard. But I was glad to see him all the same. We hugged and made discussions on how the family was..yes, I had to give a synopsis of all nine of my brothers and sisters, as well as my aunt and uncle..and all of their kids. I realized how much I missed livin with Uncle Howard. I had lived with him for a couple of years while my mom was in the hospital, sick.. My dad was too busy.. Uncle Howard begged my mom and dad they I get to stay with him..so I did. I am his favorite niece. I was only 6 years old then..but I went back to live with him after my dad died. That was still four years ago. And now I'm back at my uncle's.  
  
Duo showed me his gundam. I had never been so close. Its' sleek dark surface shined with a gloss. It was beautiful. The Gundam Deathsythe. It stood high above me, I felt like an ant next to a building. Well, a small building anyway..it was big..but not THAT big. It was still breathtaking. My uncle had long excused Duo and I, after understanding the circumstances. I looked up in awe at the massive structure before me.  
  
Duo wrapped his arms around my shoulders as the metal in the hangar didn't help at all to absorb any heat. I could feel his breath on my neck. I smiled..still looking at the machine I once hated with a passion take my mind to steel a chance of admiration without thought.  
  
"It's beautiful isnt it?"  
  
All I could do was sigh..my eyes were glued to the gundam..it was facinating.  
  
"Deathsythe..it's taken so many lives though"  
  
For the first time in my life I looked at the Gundam without seeing the dark red cover its sleek metal. It was the first time I had never looked at it that way. All my life I could only see the blood, still splattered across the surface of the machine, droplets still floating unnoticed in space. All I saw was the beautiful structure before me.  
  
"The lives it has taken will be repaid with the hope in the eyes of the colonies it defends"  
  
I couldn't see myself saying what I had just said. It wasn't me. But it was. Duo himself was slightly surprised that I should say something like that as a response. But his face quickly changed to the grin I grew quite familiar with.. He smiled so often.  
  
I should have done it that night..when he was with me. But I didn't. I came this close to doing it too.  
  
He had brought me home with him..he told me he loved me. I don't even remember if I said anything, all I know is the next thing I knew we were in his bed. He was mine all night.. you could say I missed my chance to get rid of him. I'm here with him now..but he's still over there asleep. He's so cute. Snoring a bit..it fits his personality. He propabably wont be up for a while..  
  
I actually woke up this early because you-know-who called. Almost woke up Duo too.. poor babe.. Erin actually called to ask me if I had fun last night..??? I get the feeling he is constantly watching me.. how else would he know about last night.. he has done that before too. Kinda creepy..but I don't care..he pays me enough.. He ended the conversation with a quick "don't forget you have to kill him" Yeah..i want to kill ERIN now.. im so sick of this.. I have so much fun when im with Duo.  
  
So!!!! What's the matta with me!?!?! I don't get it..i've made other people fall hopelessly in love with me, and I was fully capible of killing them. What's different now? Why am I stalling to kill Duo Maxwell?  
  
Tonight...  
  
[(Closure)] 


	8. entry seven

to kill him  
  
........  
  
disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing..  
  
.......  
  
[(entry 7)]  
  
[5:32p.m. -Monday, February 17th]  
  
I couldn't do it. I cant do it. He knows now anyway.  
  
Last night I stood before him upon confrontation. I had him cornered. He had nowhere to run. I couldn't believe it. There I was. Standing before him, gun in hand, ready to fire. My fingers once again sweaty.. I pictured myself before him the first time. Only that time he was sleeping. Last night he had his hands in the air. It was dark in his room. He had a questionable look on face. He didn't look scared though. He was used to having his life on the edge I bet. I was breathing heavily. My hands were shaking. I shook my head to get a grip. Apparently it didn't help any.  
  
"Berit..what's up? What's goin on?"  
  
"Shutup!"  
  
My voice cracked a bit..i was about to kill him. I was about to kill the guy I was in love with.. there I said it.. no..im only 15.. oh what the hell..  
  
"Berit, what's this all about?"  
  
"I said shutup!!!"  
  
I pulled the trigger.. I missed. It shot the wall behind him. He was supposed to die with that shot. But he still stood there. Hands over his head. He seemed confused as ever. I cried..I cried before him.. It started with just a few silent tears. But I ended up collapsing onto my knees. But Duo immediatley came to my aid asking whats wrong.  
  
"Berit..what is this?"  
  
He took my gun and threw it against the wall. I couldn't say anything..my crying was getting on my nerves. He hugged me. Rocking me back and forth. I pushed him away at a desperate attempt to contain my reasons..i dunno.  
  
I couldn't kill this beautiful creature before me.. He's such a different person.. I've never met anyone like him. Uniqueness like his shouldn't be waisted..  
  
He looked hurt, that only makes me cry more. I betrayed him..i lied to him. Its his falt he believed me. He was too eager to trust. But I did trust him too. God.. why did I have to screw up my life? Why do these things happen to me. The funny thing, you would think I would have been a good girl. Everyone else thinks I am. Growing up in a large family surounded by love. That's not how it was though. I never could talk to any of my sisters.. never could make, or keep many friends. A lot say I'm shy or something.. the docters said I had 'trust issues'. I've never really had a true friend. I look at that now. If I were to die today..nobody would even know..or care for that matter. Well, there is that gossiping bunch down at St. Charles. But, even so..i have only a couple friends there. But they don't care enough about me to feel the slightest emotion if I were to die.. but if they knew who I was..they would certainly kick me out of their precious city. I bet Duo wouldve cried.. but not anymore.  
  
I just sat there and cried in his arms..i was actually about to fall asleep with exhaustion. I was scared. I didn't know what I was going to do next. But one thing was for sure, I couldn't stay in his arms like that..it was too awkward for me. I pushed him away again.. if he knew that the whole time I had means to kill him.. I stood, my legs were shaking slightly.. I have never had this kind of trouble before killing someone.. I cant take it.. I stood and looked at him, about to make for the door. He was still kneeling on the floor. Then I heard the last thing I wanted to hear.  
  
My cell phone..  
  
I screamed as I took it out and threw it against the wall.  
  
"Leave me alone you bastard!!!!!!!"  
  
Duo stood to his feet again, trying to control me. I ran for the door, but my gun. I ran for my gun and grabbed it, giving my self a bit of a rugburn on my knuckles. I headed for the door once again, but he stood in my way.  
  
"Don't you get it idiot!!! I was supposed to kill you a long time ago!! Back on the colonies.. get out of my way!!!!"  
  
He stood shocked..it didn't surprise me. His face changed to anger a bit. My heart tore in two. He still wouldn't move. I pushed him to the ground and shot him.  
  
I stood above his unconscious figure. A tear rest on his cheek. Two tears fell to the floor from my own eyes.  
  
I ran.  
  
[(closure)]  
  
:'( 


	9. entry 8

to kill him  
  
........  
  
disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing..  
  
.......  
  
[(entry 7)]  
  
[3.00p.m. -Tuesday, February 18th]  
  
I know he's not dead. He isnt dead. I only shot him in the stomach. If he were to die it would be the most painful death. But, knowing the area of that appartment.. a neightbor would have immediatley heard the shot. And the shouting. I havent been able to sleep since then. I last wrote in this stupid notebook about ten hours ago. Since then a lot has happened.  
  
First, I ran into my brother on my way back to the base to see my uncle. I was probably going to lie to him.. But I ran into my big brother. I havent seen him for two years. I forgot that tomorrow, February 19th was his 29th birthday. I wont see him though. If I were, I would be worrying about what to get him. My brother..Dillan.. he looks just like dad. Sure, dad had a shaggy beard most of the time, but when I was a little girl, my dad would shave it, he always ended up with a pocky chin.. Dark hair always hung low in dads dark blue eyes. Only me and Dillan have those eyes. But Dillan has the long dark brown, almost black hair to hang over them. I have my moms blonde hair. I would say it's darker than hers..or any of my sisters though. All my sisters have that platinum blonde. Well, Shelly has brown..  
  
He looks just like my dad.  
  
I ran into him on the way to the base, as I had said before. He was with Amerie and Savannah. Amerie was his best friend since seven years old. I used to think she was the coolest when I was little. She lives with Dillan and Savannah now. Savannah is Dillans little girl. Looks just like her mother. Katherine died because of Dillan's job. There was a big controversy over Katie and Amerie. Amerie refused to talk to Dillan anymore. I never really like Katie, but my brother was head over heals in love with her. Never told anyone but me. Then Katie had a baby. His baby, that's when everyone found out. Amerie was devastated. She's like a sister to me.  
  
She had been in the alliance longer than my brother. It was a dangerous profession. When I saw her after she first was assigned, I was breathless. She looked grown up. Her long blue-black hair was cut at her chin, and shaped around her face. The notorious jackets all affiliated with the blue alliance had to wear was fit to her body. She was deadly, but beautiful. Then my brother joined too. Amerie dropped out after Katie was killed. She moved in with Dillan and helped him raise little Savannah. Too bad she'll never know her real mother. I find it sad how the bright eyed, blonde headed, shirly temple looking girl.. who looks nothing like the two, calls Amerie 'mommy'. She's eight years old this April.. I love that little girl.  
  
I told them I was on my way to Howards.. They all believed me, but I think Dillan knew better. He gave me a weird look the whole time. He never said anything though. Then a ran off to the base..  
  
"Hey uncle Howard.."  
  
"Yeah? Huh? Whats up Ber..?"  
  
I stared at his face for a while..i remembered being really young..and he was younger too. He had aged a great deal. She couldn't believe he was the same man now as way back then.  
  
"Duo's been hurt.."  
  
"Huh? what do ya mean?"  
  
His scratchy voice was questioning..  
  
"Duo's been hurt"  
  
He sighed and looked up at the ms before him. It was Duo's of coarse. Deathsythe. I couldn't stand myself at the time.  
  
"You shot him didn't you..?"  
  
He knew!?!?  
  
"Wha..? But how?!"  
  
He laughed a bit..  
  
"I know you too well Little Bear..you didn't want to..but you had to..that's how you get by.is it not?"  
  
He had known all this time? I am still confused.  
  
"Uncle Howie..how long have you known..?"  
  
"Ha..ha ha..since your fourteenth birthday"  
  
"But.."  
  
"I saw you get that package from whoever it is..and I heard your phone call.."  
  
"But I thought.."  
  
"Don't worry, your secrets safe with me..i mean..i keep a lot of secrets..how do you think Duo came to trust me?"  
  
"Your both in a sweepers group.."  
  
"Well yeah..but..i cant let just anyone know that I know a Gundam pilot.. I could get killed.. expecially in these times."  
  
The mobile suit before me was silent..but I think I could hear the words it tells its pilot's.. I could hear faint words in the silent air.  
  
I jumped into the suit. Smiling.. I could hear Howie call me back..but it was two late.  
  
The suit wasn't hard to figure out. I left the hangar. I was in the empty space. I drifted away from the colony. I drifted as far as I could. Then a went as fast as I could and as far away from life as possible. Then it was just me in the empty space. I stopped and let Deathsythe drift, almost as if she were sleeping. I sighed..knowing as was as alone as I could get. It smelled like Duo.  
  
The vidcom popped on..Uncle howard of course.  
  
"Get back here..you don't even know how to use a ms!! What if Duo needs it..what if oz tries to attack you!!"  
  
"How do you know I don't know how to use a ms?"  
  
"Uh..?"  
  
"Ha ha.."  
  
I flipped the switch off..the vidcom button just flashed and I ignored it. It stopped. And I let myself doze off for about 30 minutes..  
  
When I woke up..the vidcom buzzed again..i sighed and flipped it on.. It was someone I hadnt expected.  
  
"Duo.. what are you doing? Shouldn't you be back on the.."  
  
Heero Yuy. I laughed to myself and switched it off. A flared up the jets and headed back to the base. And to my surprise, Yuy didn't try to attack me. Not until I was neer the base. I took out the green sythe and moved him out of my way before preparing to dock. He didn't try again.. I think he was confused. Haha..  
  
As I the cockpit opened..i saw Uncle Howard standing there..pretty mad. Then the Wing Zero docked right next to the gundam 02. I jumped down..floating to the bridge. Uncle Howard ran over to me and grabbed my shoulders. Then something happened I didn't expect.  
  
A brown-headed15 year old with a three-foot braid slowly walked over to the bridge..didn't look happy. He stood there, hand resting on his stomach. He grinned.  
  
"You thought that little shot would kill me?"  
  
I don't think I would ever see him truly mad. Heero Yuy came out of the wing. He probably questioned Duo after I left.  
  
"I'm sorry Duo.."  
  
I turned to leave..brushing past Howard and Heero.. I tried to run past Duo but he just grabbed my shoulders..I tried not to breathe. I admit..i was scared. I didn't want to be there..  
  
But he hugged me. That I didn't expect. He gave me a big bear hug. He whispered in my ear.  
  
"I don't know what's up or what happened..but it's obvious we need to talk."  
  
He let go and gave me his famous smile.. Hot tears fell down my cheeks..he wiped them away..  
  
"I'm sorry.."  
  
I ran out with a tear streaked face.. I ran to my car and drove for at least an hour. Then I was almost thrown off the road. I have to get a knew window fit for my car..they tried to shoot me! I cant believe it. Now I'm just trying to figure who it is.. then there's a couple of men that tried following me..all I can figure is Erin. He's the only one I can think of who is trying to kill me. I managed to lose all four of them. I couldn't go home. I couldn't go anywear. I was trapped.  
  
So I called Duo. We needed to talk ne? So I called him. He agreed to meet me at the base tonight. He is gonna take me somewhere so I can be safe..or so he says. I trust him..but..he didn't know where he was gonna take me on the phone, but he is..who knows?  
  
So in an hour im going to walk to the base.. I am..i dunno he suggested it. I don't mind walking..but I don't see how that's going to be 'safer'. Im scared to death. I don't know what I'm going to do..Duo wont always be there..he's kinda preoccupied with the war.. I just don't know.  
  
If I would have killed him.. I would be just as miserable..but..I wouldn't be in this mess..what am I gunna do???  
  
[(closure)] 


	10. 9

to kill him  
  
........  
  
disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing..  
  
.......  
  
[(entry 9)]  
  
[12:23 a.m. -Friday, February 21st]  
  
He took me to Earth. Im here, on Earth. Im sitting on my own bed..in my home town..in the united states. Im in my old home I lived in with my ever so large family. Im here, with Mom, Zoe, Paul(Zoe's Husband),Shelly, Josh, Michael, Jeremi, Liam, Oliver, Lucas, and Anna(the last three are Zoe & Pauls' kids). Half the family is gone though. John, Dillan, Sara... Duo's here too. My family loves him.  
  
He took me home in his gundam. I would have never thought that he would make me sit squished beside the seat. I didn't mind though. It was actually fun. He had other places to go before he figured out where to go. He ran into a group of Leos..that was really fun.  
  
Of course.. the whole time Duo refused to talk to me.. practically the whole time. He believed I had never been honest the whole time. I was in a rather good mood though, being inside that Gundam was the most coolest thing ever.  
  
I admit, I was scared when he ran into those Leos..he had to stop them from reaching the 3rd Colonial position 3.92 Old John Mathews base. He didn't have trouble though.. I was weird sitting there to the side as he sliced through half of the group with one swipe.  
  
It reminded me of why I hated the mobile suit gundams.. I felt sick in my stomach. He had to flee, he knew they would send backup..probably cancers.. Duo got hit once pretty hard. I think I screamed..i don't remember. All I could think about was Duo.  
  
He was still injured due to my gunshot. It was probably bleeding again already. He was thrown neer the screen as three Dolls {which he didn't expect} atacked him at once. There were so many. The vid screen started fuzzing.. I was scared. I sunk as low as I could to the bottom of the floor.. You could feel the attackes but you couldn't.  
  
Then they stopped. I looked and saw another gundam. Attacking the dolls..  
  
"Need help maxwell?"  
  
"Wu-Man!!"  
  
Duo shouted with joy and releif. I noticed as he finished the last of the dolls and things slowed down, he was glutching onto his stomach..but you would never know he was in pain.  
  
I cried, for it was all my fault. It was my fault he's hurting..it's all my fault..  
  
Then the fight was over..it was hardly a battle though..or so Wufei told Duo..i sunk low again in the corner when Wufei Chang..the fifth gundam pilot came onto the vid-screen.  
  
"Hardly a fight Duo.."  
  
"Yeah..well."  
  
"Later Maxwell..I have business to tend to"  
  
"Thanks Wufei.."  
  
It clicked off.. Wufei..he was interesting. I don't know why..he was different than Duo, or the other few pilots I've seen. He didn't see me in Duo's Gundam..thank God.. He went off in a different direction than the Deathsythe.  
  
Then it was all silent again. He sighed to himself..he was hurting..his cut had reopened again.. I could see the blood through the shirt. He looked at me with peaceful eyes:  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
I nodded. They were the first words he said to me since we got in the gundam.  
  
He proceded to the base. We engadged in coversation. About what happened and such.. I think he thinks I've lost my mind. He told me to stay in the gundam while he was gone. I sighed in releif when the cockpit closed. I was alone in the machine, safe in the machine..  
  
No body would try and kill me..no one knew I was there. Not even Erin Briant..creepy person.  
  
He had a way with words, Erin did. He have me the reason to smile back then. I believe I would have fallen in love with the guy if Duo hadnt screwed everything up. But it was me. I screwed everything up.  
  
I was safe in the gundam nevertheless. I sat in the chair and stretched while he was out. I even went through the small compartments I found.. I felt like a little girl again. Searching through everthing mischieviously.  
  
I found a hat and a jacket in one of the bigger compartments along with an old rag..looked like an oil rag..with a small cross in it. I dared not touch it..even though I questioned it. But I put his hat on ^_^  
  
I found a carpartment with pens..there were lots of stuff in there..  
  
I went through his CDs.. He liked the whole variety..from the Beetles to the Red Hot Chili Peppers.. what music..  
  
When he came back I was still going through the Cds.. still had his hat on.. I was caught.  
  
I greeted him with an innocent cutie pie smile.. and waved lightly.. He only chuckled and sat down..slapping me outta the way playfully. I carfully put his Cds back and he eyed me with a smile. He never said anything though.  
  
But when we headed toward Earth..i was the speechless one. I had wanted to go back for what seemed so long. But then there we were, just breaking through Earths atmospere. Headed for the Cinq Kingdom.  
  
I stayed in the gundam alone for about four hours. I fell asleep.  
  
When I woke up I was on his chest..partially on the floor though..there just wasn't enough room. I looked up after I nuzzled my head to his chest. We were above Earth still..i couldn't see more than clouds beneath us. Then he ducked beneath the clouds to reveal a very familiar coast.  
  
I grew up on the coast..the gulf coast.. he took me home.  
  
So here I am.. sitting on my bed. As happy as can be..at the moment anyway. I hadnt remembered what my room looked like..but its just as I left it. Dolls were lined along the shelves. Along with glass figures..that daddy gave me. Another shelf with fine chrystal that mostly was given to me by Erin. I always wanted to be a princess. My room fasioned an english princess's. Suits me doesn't it? If only they knew..  
  
I don't think duo is as mad as he was.. I still feal guilty. Hell, I have killed more people than I can count..last year I knew I had counted 89 people..but sometime in the previous months..i lost count.  
  
It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I'm going to hell..and I know that for a fact.. Cant wait till my lil' shinigami sees I'm the one he's sending to hell next.  
  
I hate being in this room now..i hate being home..but I love it all the same. There's kids running around ranging from 10 to 2.. god..now I remember why I left home.  
  
I love it but I hate it..so many memories..  
  
Dad.. if I could only see him now. If I could have had one last chance to talk to him. On last hug.  
  
I cant stand being in this house..you know mom and dad had a fight before he died..how ironic? He told her he wasn't coming back..well he was right. I don't remember what they were fighting over exactly..im sure it was something my mother started..  
  
I cant take this..i have to walk.. This neighborhood is so huge..i could walk all night..and still not cover every street.  
  
Wait a minute..duo's not in his room.. did he leave?  
  
**** 1:00am ****  
  
he left a note. He went for the colonies again. He had to stop the dolls from reaching the New Edwards Base..or something.. he didn't say he'd be back this time. Just sent the best of wishes. He left me here..all alone.  
  
This is shit.. I have to get out of this house.  
  
[(closure)]  
  
OMG!!! it has been.FOREVER since I last updated..really sorry bout that.. 


	11. 10

[Wednesday; February 26th]  
  
She took a walk around the block. She was killed. Was killing me that difficult for her? She was stabbed five times in the stomach, then strangled to death. What kind of sick monster would do this to her? Erin Briant was searched for. He's not registered in any of the colonys. They said they would do all they could to find him. There's a warrant for his arrest. They arent doing all they can to find her killer, seeing she was a killer herself. I went to see her family. Not one of them knew that she had lead the life she did. It was heartbreaking for me. She got what she deserved though. She hadnt felt one single emotion from personally slaughtering all those people. I was the only one that got away.. That's the way the cookie crumbles though... I know im not one to talk... I cant count how many peoples' lives I've taken. Yeah, I have called myself the Shinigami...and it's probably the reason I'm going insane.. Too bad. I know that sounds heartless...but if I was the only person that gave her a reason to live..then she's not worth it... She had such a big and loving family...if I only had some shred of past with my family...it doesn't matter anymore... I have work to do.....  
-Duo  
  
[closure]  
  
Didn't think it'd end like that did ya?? Muahahahaha! Sorry, I had originally planned on an unexpected ending..then it got hard for me to update this story..so why not now??? Yes.. Erin Briant did kill her as she was walking on that confused night.. he was phycotic.. But he lives on...mwuhahaha....but duo does too!!!!!! Yay  
  


* * *

  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!THE END  
  


* * *

  
yes this is the end...but don't hate me..it was my plan all along.. Im just sorry I couldn't think of a more creative way to end it.. So best wishes to you all..its been a trip!  
  
Tissues anyone?  
  
-berrys 


End file.
